Clare says:  "Long ago, men went to sea, and women waited for them, standing on the edge of the water, scanning the horizon for the tiny ship...I wait for him.  Each moment that I wait feels like a year, an eternity.  Each moment is as slow and transparent as glass.  Through each moment I can see infinite moments lined up, waiting."

The whole book was thought provoking, mind stirring, and emotionally real...a must read.  But this passage was so personal and real to me.  A fishing town alternates between loneliness and lust.  This may seem harsh but I happen to think it's true. 
     The men go out fishing and the women are left at home to take care of everything.  The women wait, worry that the men will get hurt, hope the fishing is good, and wonder when they'll be home.  The bills must be paid, children fall down and break bones, babies are born, affairs happen, loved ones die, and life goes on all while they're gone.  The men are gone for days, weeks, even months sometimes...and we wait. 
     Then all of a sudden he's home and everything is new and fresh.  The kids are excited, family gathers, romance sparks, and life jumps into action.  Any problems that were experienced while the men are gone are quickly forgotten.  The troubled marriage suddenly comes to life, disobedient children fall into line, and if the fishing was good then financial worries are forgotten.  It's almost impossible to create a steady rhythm to life and any sense of "normalcy" is absent. 
     Just when life begins to settle into a routine he leaves again.  During the winter he gets restless and anxious to be back out on the ocean again, a sleeping bag in his bunk has become more comfortable than laying in a bed with his wife.  Sugar coated problems have lost their sweetness and so he runs back to the sea.

It all seems incredibly romantic at first, until you're never able to resolve anything because he's always leaving.  After you've given birth to all your children alone, raised them essentially by yourself, and then when the kids are all grown up you're left alone in your house, waiting.  I find it ironic that I keep making the decision to stay here.  I don't want this lifestyle.  I've talked to the boyfriend every night on the radio while he's out fishing for 3 months.  I've waited with pounding heart while the Coast Guard searches for a missing boat.  I've watched women bury their children while their husbands are gone.  Is this any way to live life?  But we loves these men and even I understand the pull of the ocean.

Another year has come to an end, even though it doesn't seem possible that 365 days have gone by.  So many people are frightened by time, they're getting older or haven't accomplished all they had planned.  But for me time is predictable, whether or not you want the day to end, it does.  No one, regardless of how rich or poor, fat or skinny, beautiful or ordinary, famous or unknown, powerful or powerless can stop the days from going by.  So, in a world of uncertainty and in times when things feel out of control, I embrace the passing of days. 

I take some time at the end of the year to look back on all that has happened.  There is not a single thing I can change, but I can learn from the past, and I hope that is what I do.  Each year feels like a "big" year, with lots of growing up and too many changes to count.  And this year is no exception, and I know next year will bring more moments of pain, happiness, growth, and life. 

So, as a reminder to myself, there are a few things I would like to remember about this year:
♦ I moved to a new place
♦ lost someone I love so dearly
♦ gained new people to love 
♦ left a job I enjoyed and started a new job I tolerate
♦ was hurt and hurt others
♦ started out flat broke and ended with a little extra
♦ found a great guy
♦ tried new things and enjoyed them

Happy New Year, be safe and have fun